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Hi Matt
I cannot say that I have shared exactly the same experiences having never been married or having children. However I have been through bad break ups and cheating etc. I struggle with the same things letting go is really hard for me. I really recently took a trip to Nepal for a bit of soul searching and the thing that really touched me was the buddhist view towards compassion. Compassion for all beings. And when your ex may have wronged you I know mine sure did we can take comfort in the fact that she like all of us is human and is subjected to the same flaws we all are. This recognition can begin to sow the feeling of compassion, I know for me it was and is a big relief to look at things in this way. When you feel compassion for someone it removes the feeling of hate or frustration and replaces it with warmth. I would recommend you listen to some Dharma talks because the Buddha battled the same demons we all do and his insights can be helpful. Hope you find your way.