Caitlyn,

It sounds like you’re having difficulty trusting him. So its like a nagging fear that doesn’t go away, a fly buzzing in your ear, all sorts of fantasies playing out of “what might be happening on his side”, many of them painful. If he had earned your trust, why would there be fear? If its envy, such as mad he’s having fun and you’re feeling stressed, well, that’s yours. Both of you deserve fun. 🙂

Consider that the stress alongside wounded trust isn’t really “yours”, such as “Caitlyn has an issue”, rather, the relationship has bruised trust, and stress is a result. Fear of what has happened that isn’t being said sometimes clouds up things, distracts us, like a bunch of balls juggled. “What’s really happening there?” The anger is a natural bloom when being squished by a situation like a LDR with trust issues.

Building that trust has to happen on both sides. Both partners have to come to the plate, be there, honest, heartfelt, and patient. If he can’t? Move on. You deserve someone that does, in my opinion. Just remember that patience and trust grow hand in hand, such as him giving you the time to grow trusting, and you giving him the time to grow trustworthy/honest.

Finally, consider that the “mystery of the camp boyfriend” can demand a lot of attention, and its important not to get too drawn in and neglect finding your own happiness. Make sure you’re self nurturing, eating well, resting, and so forth. The heat of anger often is sparked by “its just too much”, which lessens as we take the time to unwind, relax, find comfort. My favorite of these is metta meditation. By getting in the habit of thinking friendly thoughts, our bodies get in the habit of feeling friendly feelings. Consider “Sharon Salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. Or, consider hopping in a tub with candles, listening to soft music, walking in nature… anything that helps relax, let go of the agitation, and so forth.

Also, I agree with Kandi’s heartfelt advice for the heart to heart. Its good to get the cards out on the table. Consider a strategy of staying on your side, such as “I want, think, feel…” rather than “You don’t…” Good luck!

With warmth,
Matt