Cyd,

There is a difference between having loving kindness in the heart for someone, and romantically yearning for them. You’re welcome to keep that romantic affection aimed at her, but it may never blossom on her side, may never come back. When we find a partner that shares our yearning, does aim toward us, the energy isn’t draining, its uplifting. If she knows, and isn’t ready or interested, how long does your heart wish to wait and see? There are lots of people that would be interested in growing closer with you, but when you hold her so closely, there’s no room for them. Its up to you what you wish to do. Is she worth it?

As a friend, is she giving? Does she make space to hear your stories, give you hugs, laugh alongside your jokes? She could be unintentionally feeding your “attentive eye” if you two stay on her side most of the time. Like, she let’s you come over and weed her garden for her, help her wash her feet, but then stands up and walks away, back to what she finds important, alluring… forgetting/ignoring “giving back”.

Said differently, its plausible that your romantic feelings are leaving you drained, just a lot of hope and dreaming trying to pause. Its also plausible that you’re feeling drained because she’s letting you bathe her in tenderness, then sending you on your way. If that’s the case,consider cutting the ties, little by little, and turn that tenderness on your own home, that’s where its needed. That’s where you’ll have the strength, energy, and self respect to find a friend/partner that gives back.

With warmth,
Matt