Heather,

Thank you so much for your wise and kind words. I am so grateful to have ears out there, especially from someone who went through something similar and is able to provide sincere advice. I wanted to let these words sink in for a day or two, which is why I am just now responding.

I’m so familiar with this “unrelenting state of confusion.” It seems like the decisions stay weighted in my brain every day, muddling and dancing with my thoughts. I’ve tried desperately to listen to that inner voice, and taking comfort in knowing it isn’t really a “VOICE” at all. It’s more of a feeling, correct me if I’m wrong. I purposely search for online articles (which may be unhealthy) or other people to tell me NOT to do TV. To tell me, it’s okay, I was confused too. It’s like I’m searching for permission to listen to my inner voice.

Maybe it’s because I don’t trust it, or trust myself. I think: don’t be lazy. Go up and work. You’ll like the TV industry when you’re successful and have loads of cash. (Which after typing, sounds a little gross, especially taking in your advice, BenzRabbitt!!) I think so many of my doubts are rooted in fear. Fear of failure, fear of regret, fear of rejection, fear of imperfection.

Meaning, not only is okay to change from what you’ve always know to be your “identity”, it’s imperative to your personal growth process to redefine yourself in all the ways you feel compelled to transform.

Maybe these are the words I should lock onto. I take great comfort in this sentence, but wonder, “what will happen? what if I fail?” My degree is in Media Art, with a minors in Theatre and Creative Writing. I have no internships/professional work experience that are not in media production. What on earth would I do?!

“What-ifing” is certainly helpful, but also opens a realm for me to see opportunities where I could be happy/unhappy either way. Is that simply how life works? No matter what we have, how little or how much, we will always find something to be grateful for or happy with? I’m not sure. I think you’re right though, the only way to really get clear answers is by doing.

If I may ask, how did you handle your change, and your desire to break from what was expected of you? Have you done it, or are you planning on? If it’s too personal, no need to share for my sake. You’ve already done so much.

P.S. BenzRabbit, this helped as well….money seems to be an issue for me. I’m very afraid of not having it. Not sure why.