Jen,

I’m sorry for your difficulties, and can understand how difficult it can be when our partner pulls away. Consider he has a lot on his plate, and so perhaps your grabbing for him, while well intended, is unintentionally making you look like one of the things he has to sort out. This entangles you into the mess of it, and while he’s grieving (sorting, evaluating, and so forth) he may not have much to give you. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

If you believe the love between you is strong, and he’s simply overwhelmed, consider reaching out to him more with a metaphoric “postcard” than a metaphoric “grappling hook” or “bridge plans”. Said differently, consider: “Hey, my love. At the park, looking at some flowers, thought of you. Hope you’re well.” Rather than “hey, we haven’t talked in awhile, where do we stand?” The first, more of an invitation, a whisper of a home he’s forgotten. The second, more of an ask about rebuilding and timetables. These postcards can help him remember, gently, the reasons his smile blossoms around you, the song of it, the fun. With all the heavy goop he’s had to slug through, it could perhaps be a safe way for him to see that even at the distance, your heart is right there. It may not reach him, but it might. Just keep in mind that you may have to give one-sidedly for awhile. He may grumble in pain, but with time will perhaps come around.

If he just ignores you for too long, though, the bridge may just be burnt, for now, forever, who knows. If he does reach back, and its thorny, such as further accusations, or rehashing the past, consider the basic stance of “I’m sorry I got pushy/fiery/angry, I was just scared. I mean to be supportive, I believe in you.” Hopefully he’ll see past the past, and into the present. (Of your heart. 🙂 )

Finally, make sure you take lots of time to self nurture. Being away from home, working, troubling romance, your own care may get swept aside more easily. Don’t let it! Perhaps hop in a tub with candles, visit a museum, go for a walk in nature… somewhere that sings to your heart, helps you relax. You’re worth the tender attention, and since he’s busy with understandably difficult times, its a perfect opportunity to do a little soul searching for yourself, too.

With warmth,
Matt