Hi Irene,

Sorry to hear that you’re in such a difficult situation. Firstly, you most certainly are free to befriend whomever you want. Unfortunately, you don’t have control over how others react towards you and the person you want to get to know which, as you’re now experiencing, can cause problems.

Ultimately, no-ne can tell you ‘yes’ or ‘no’ – that decision has to be yours and I think you already know that. All i’ll say is you are both adults and you’ll need to make the choice as to whether you’re willing to deal with the consequences of continuing to see each other (presuming what your friend says is true).

You say you want to socialise with him without any pressure but it sounds like that is unlikely to be the case. If there is no chance of sitting down with them and getting to know them to ease their concerns, then, as difficult as it feels, make right now the time when you come to a final decision and stick to it rather than, as you say, obsessing over it non-stop because it’s not doing you any good.

Ask yourself:

Am I willing to continue to deal with this situation that I feel torn apart by and hope it will workout somehow or do I want to let it go, allow myself to feel sad about it and then move on with my life?

Are you willing to decide once and for all? Can you do that for yourself?

If you need time to make that final decision, then give yourself time but don’t drag it out for too long; 2/3 days perhaps.

If there’s any chance whatsoever that someone’s life could be at risk then of course, that’s when I would say, just leave well alone.