Penguin,

I’m empathetic to your struggles, sister, and can hear your good heart aching at the suffering of those around you. You sound burnt out on everyone else’s business, their responsibilities. My teacher used to talk about how we plant roots in the fertile soil first, doing good where it actually does good. With boyfriend, you can’t change him, and might have to face the hard decision sooner or later that he just is that way. Is that OK? With mum, it sounds like she’s doing some role reversal on you, in her difficulties trying to get you to mother her. Neither of those show great fertility for your own happiness. What else do you have going on? Hobbies? Interests? Your own needs?

As an exercise, try to imagine what you would spend your attention on if you weren’t worrying about other people, and simply concerned about you. If mom and dad and brother and boyfriend left town for a month, what would you do with your time? What would you want your life to look like? What do you like to do? See where this is going?

Its one thing to be nobly helpful to our loved ones, and quite another to become so wrapped up in their tunes that we lose our own, run ragged thinking and feeling and planning and trying to help them. Its not your job to be leaned on by them, sis, even if they press you for it. Take good care of yourself, following your dreams and interests, and perhaps they will be so inspired by your positive momentum they will find their own pep to their step.

Right now, it sounds like you’re running co-pilot on your own ship, no wonder there is sorrow. Captain to the helm! All systems go! 🙂

With warmth,
Matt