Hi Matt and Everyone,

So here’s the update –

I sent him an email apology on Monday, very heartfelt, no grabbing at him just reaffirming him, what he meant to me and apologizing for not being more understanding during the week of his divorce and asked for his forgiveness as his friends told me he was still very angry and resentful towards me for words I said to him during that time and the way the fighting escalated.

He finally responded today, kind of surprising, it was very cold. He apologized saying it was selfish of him to drag me into his situation and that he misses me and our lives together but said “I’m sorry i can’t be that guy for u right now. I blame all that happened on timing. I didn’t give myself a proper grieving/self assessment period. I saw a beautiful great woman, and jumped at the chance to have u. However I did see this situation coming to a head in the long run. I saw it beginning to unfold in march. I started seeing where my situation was taking a toll on u, and my insecurities were surfacing in our relationship. I just wanted u so bad. There so much i should have done, but i only saw blind love. I tried to “have my cake and eat it.” I wasn’t all the way out of and over my previous before i started something new. ……..”

he also said “I realize I’m in a grieving process, and i can’t drag u through the mud while I’m going through it. I don’t want to mistreat u in any way. I hate that we spoke to each other that way. I hate that i conjured resentment toward u, and said u were a burden” and mentioned that he wasn’t over his ex-wife and is sad their marriage failed………..

I texted him back that I understood and wasn’t able to be in a relationship right now either due to needing to fix things in myself as well and that I hope we can be friends again when time starts to heal……..

It definitely feels he’s still very angry………. it’s been a month and a half since the papers were signed and all hell broke loose, I’m hurting bad thinking that maybe he never did love me beyond blind love? was it all a lie? and of course wondering if his anger and resentment towards me and the fact he’s going through it right now is clouding his feelings towards me to write such a cold letter, he even started off as “Hey Diva Swag” so casual………

What should I make of all this? Do you think it’s simply that he’s in the grieving headspace that he’s being so cold and almost seemingly brushing off what we had? Not once did he mention in the letter, anything about trying again in the future, or that he still loved me, although his friend told me he just told him 2 days ago he did still love me………. but again the letter was quite vague and cold, it ended with saying he wasn’t in love with his wife but not over her and last line was “it’s definitely not fair to you, I’m sorry” – That’s all. That’s how the letter ended 🙁

Do you think this is all just him grieving or has enough time passed for him to be thinking clearly enough about our situation to know it’s over for good but he’s just not flat out saying it?

How can I tell if there’s a chance of reconciliation in our future once the grieving and anger have subsided? Do I keep sending “postcards” from time to time? what do I do from here, I don’t want to let go, but I can’t tell anymore what I should do……. Too confused and perhaps clouded by my own emotions I suppose as well 🙁 🙁 🙁 so broken right now.

Please help 🙁