Hi Kevin,

When you said that you have new fears on your list each day, since you know that you can’t control everything, maybe it’s time to look at what you are worried about. Are your fears likely to happen? Are they something you can control? This is something that group therapy or indiviudal therapy can help for sure. Not speaking about your depression can often give you a sense of isolation, it’s good that you reached out on these forums, but most importantly a counsellor is best, if not a friend.

Though I cannot say, it sounds like a significant part of your depression is related to worrying. Though you know that you cannot control everything, it’s worth challenging each worry. You can do this by researching into them more. Are they likely to happen? Are they inevitable?

It really depends what you are worried about but I can give an example of worry I had.

When I was young, I use to be fearful that a man will come and shoot me while I am walking. To minimize or prevent it, I constantly would check every 5 minutes behind my back to see if there was anyone following me. It became a habit but my simple walks to the library became extremely stressful. I challenged it like this. How common are gun shootings? Though it could happen, why me? I’m just a kid. I concluded this was an overly exaggerated thought that became obsessive because I kept reinforcing it by checking to see who is following me.

Ideas live if you behave in ways that feed them. I allowed my fear to keep living by behaving in ways as if it were happening.

I am not supporting recklessness, but definitely consider challenging each worry on individually.

My experience may or may not be useful. I found that when I have an expectation or specific way I believe is correct in living my life, this can create depression. This isn’t only cause of it, but at least it was a significant one for me.

I use to think that I should be enjoying myself since I’m given so many opportunities or I should have do more with my life because of my fortunate upbringing. Meditation is still helpful imo, but figuring out the thoughts and beliefs that lead to disappointment and guilt will help minimize depression.

Just because you are given gifts, doesn’t mean you need to accept them. By this logic, you do not need to be living it out just because you are given opportunities. I remember beating myself up constantly for not finishing my university degree. I felt like I was wasting an opportunity that not many people get. I felt like my parents saved their money for my schooling, so why should I let that go to waste?

Though I am only 20, I can relate to the feeling of emptiness when surrounded by fortune. The “shoulds,” when minimized frees you to existing just for existing. I felt much relieved the more I gave time to myself to read a book or watch movies just because I could.
At first, I felt terrible because I had it all and “should” be getting a move on with my life.

Warmest Regards,
Alana