I had to downgrade a best friend to a good friend because of a push-pull cycle. Mine was a friendship so it’s a bit different from romantic relationships.

How do I describe her? Exciting, spontaneous and hilarious. Everyday we would talk on the phone and talk about ideas like making plans for trips, plans being roomies and even to open our own bakery.

We would list things we wanted to do in the future like skydiving, dining and partying. I think the sad truth that I learnt was we were living in the realm of possibilities. It was much more exciting to do the planning versus carrying it out.
A home made of glass is beautiful but fragile. Our relationship broke down when we decided to actually carry out the plans. The bakery opened since we never were able to finalize what our ideas on it, despite talking about it for months and months. I came to realize we were both two dreamers who escaping reality together through the same dream.

Everytime we were close to finalizing the plan for the bakery, she would sabotage the plan by pointing every single flaw out. We had cycles of getting together to discuss which was always filled with laughter and then moments where she would remain distant and evasive to talk about it.

I was upset about it but let it go because I realized she was communicating “no” plus the bakery was a huge commitment. Things got out of hand when I realized I was being constantly disappointed. Do you wanna go eat? Yes, but then no. Do you wanna to stop by the shoe store? Yes but then no.

I am much more understanding now and have forgiven her because I also chose to agree with plans that probably were never gonna happen. I allowed it to keep happening and didn’t set limits because I understood she was struggling with “who” she was and “what” she wanted. I feel less angry knowing that I willingly kept making plans for I should have learnt my lesson.

I was so in love with the picture we constructed of what we could have been that I blamed her by taking my anger on her and forcing the relationship to work in the way it could have been. I’ve forgiven much of it now and we are friends, just on a different level and with boundaries so I protect myself from further resentment. No more planning with her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy it was like I was addicted to her. Took ups and downs for me too realize this.

Moving on is much easier when you know why feel like falling back into the same cycle. Understanding why he was so appealing to you and what emotional benefit you were getting from him is a step in rendering your the hole in your heart and such desires powerless. For me, I was looking for excitement to relieve my feelings of boredom for I was always the passive type of person, this in no way applies to you 😀

Warmest Regards,
Alana

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Alana.