Just for an update, I decided to move out of my boyfriend’s apartment about five months ago. Life has been really great, and it was only with the distance of being apart that I realized how much he was ignoring me in the last few years. It was all good as long as I didn’t challenge drinking habits (ask him to DD sometimes, or maybe just have a few instead of unlimited), talk about the future (for us or him), ask him how the job search was going (he was unemployed for over five years), or talk to him about intimacy/communication issues. By being apart, I saw just how much he really was not “seeing” me and was completely disrespecting me as a human being. I feel kind of like a fool, to be honest, to hold on SO LONG to a relationship because of sunken costs/dreams/whatever. But it’s hard to have a future with someone who doesn’t want to communicate or want to kiss me.

With all this said, I do still love him. Even though I feel like an idiot saying so. I’ve left it open with him and said that if he wants to talk about the above or work on us, if he sees a future with us at all, then I’m open to talking… but so far he’s ignored my requests, yet he doesn’t want to stop talking to me and still sends me pics of beautiful sunsets and stuff he’s cooked that night, etc. He just doesn’t want to change or talk about what he loves to do (drinking, not working, etc). And I suspect he doesn’t even really want to be with me either. I feel like when a man – or anyone – wants to be with someone else, they reach out and try in some way. He’s just not trying at all. It’s very eye opening to see. That I was the one really reaching out and he wasn’t meeting me halfway. Hurts though.

I’m glad I did this at the age of 30 though and not decades from now. Still, it’s really hard – but I’ve found that I can be independent and live on my own. It’s kind of nice. Plus, friends and family have been very helpful and supportive of my transition. It’s nice to know there are people out there that want me to succeed. And to be happy.