Matt,

First of all, thank you for taking the time to read my responses carefully. Second, thank you for taking the time to respond with a bit of tough love.

I think your points are all good ones. As you’ve intimated, I am definitely struggling with expectations. A bit of background: my spouse is very moody, by her own admission. She will go into unprovoked rages and say things that deeply, very deeply hurt. Over the years, this has affected me and caused me to question her motives. She has picked up on this and accuses me of making inferences into her motives that are not charitable. But when I tell her that I am hurt by her words, she re-casts her motives as pure and good, and casting this as my issue. It may not come out in my narrative, but I am trying extremely hard to understand and support her, but it is so difficult so let go of her cruel words, her ultimatums and her lack of interest in understanding me.

I know a good Buddhist would say that I am bringing this upon myself by viewing it as a contest and I suppose that’s right to some extent. Letting go is so hard, and it’s so unclear where I’ll be as I approach that.