Todzilla,

Even the most loving lioness roars when a thorn is in her paw. Her motive is the same as it always is, she’s trying to find happiness. Said differently, there is a big, huge, difference between having afflictive motives, and trying not to take ownership of her own thoughts, feelings, and actions. “I hit you from love, I swear it” is garbage of course, but it doesn’t mean she wants to hit you, perhaps is afraid that if she exposes her imperfection, you’ll do terrible things with it. How much fun would you have, for instance, were she to say to you she lashed out in anger. “I knew it, you have bad motives!” Rather than “of course, my love, your anger makes sense, come to my arms and find comfort”.

I don’t know about good Buddhists, but perhaps letting go might be “set aside your fear that she intends harm”. It seems more like she is afraid herself, perhaps that you don’t love the real her, warts and all. So she tries to hide them, and can’t.

You’re right to notice she doesn’t fight fair… but consider that you perhaps seem much stronger than she feels, and so any tool to do the needed job. Like, Toddzilla looms over her, and she kicks at your balls. Perhaps the lesson is less looming? Less “trying to ferret out the truth”, and more “invite her to love you.”

With warmth,
Matt