Katie,

That’s an interesting one, and I think you’re right on target with the notion that the more present both are, the more knowing really grows. Consider when we bake an apple pie, there is a lot of work that goes into it. Peeling, slicing, spicing, rolling dough, baking. During all of that, we might feel stress. Burn our arm, nick a fingernail, drop a pie plate on our toe. Any number of little trips. When we serve the pie, what do we want our loved one to know? The pie or the journey of making the pie? If we tell them all the parts that go into creating the pie, perhaps they’ll be thinking about that, rather than simply enjoying the pie. If the baker lets go, just gives them the pie, and rests openly as the pie is eaten, then the resulting smiling of both baker and (eater?) makes the journey insignificant, unstaining. Who remembers the nicks and singes when there is chewing and singing?

Said differently, consider that the Katie that was at work is already dead and moved on by the time she gets home. Are you really defined by the gossipy whathaveyous of who said what to whom? If you were injured, or something else more troubling than some random “wind through the trees”, that would be different. My teacher noted that we don’t try to turn molehills into mountains, such as regurgitating the moot to try to be better known, painting our pain so they know what we’ve been through. But we also don’t try to turn mountains into molehills, such as not talking about what is important. Knowing the difference, and where those lines are, is personal for all of us. Said differently, if you wish to be known, draw attention to what is in front of him, rather than what is behind you. You’re already right there!

In a practical example, consider “wow, all day I was wearing tight shoes, and every step brought discomfort. I walked to the store, and ouch the whole way. I walked to the office, and ouch the whole way. Then, my boss asked me to go back to the conference room and lead the discussion, and the whole time I was standing my feet were mad at me. Then, the co-worker asked me to run across the whole office to…” etc. Instead of “my feet hurt, would you rub them?” Does he need to know the why? Does it change anything?

With warmth,
Matt