Hi John,
I understand the awful feeling of regret. It can really eat at you, physically. In Terms of your actions why don’t you ask: How will this benefit her? The reason I ask this is because you are so morally aware of your actions which is why I don’t think you need to go further with hurting yourself. I don’t support dishonesty but I can’t bell
But wonder how this would benefit anyone at this point. My response would be different if you were ony asking how to cover it up instead of your feelings as evidenced. You know what you did wrong so have to let it go. from what you describe- a kiss- seems like you’d scare her more than what really happened (sex etc). She wouldn’t see your emotional admission and hurt as you’ve expressed herE- just the admission of kiss. Be mindful of alcohol and give yourself a break. Dare I say it, might be blessing in disguise as you see how important she is to you but also that you have to consider sobriety and maybe some help for the cutting.