I just posted something very similar. I’ve been frustrated. Wanting a change and not knowing how to make it happen is extremely frustrating.

No one wants to be alone but some of us start preferring it to spending time with friends who only make you feel more lonely in the end. My struggle is the lack of authenticity I have when doing my usual social activities. It’s not their faults, but for some reason I hold myself back. The result is a shell of who I am. I’d rather sit at home and feel free. No judgement. I’m learning to love myself more than I have. The key is getting myself to a place where I believe other people will accept the real me as well. I think any friend who doesn’t know your true spark and the depths of your emotion is really more of an acquaintance…someone to pass the time with. The friendships worth living for are the ones where you have laid down on the operating table and let them see every vulnerable inch of you…and they keep coming back. We don’t get many of those in life but as long as we’re willing to take the risk, we can find another soul in this world whose brain works in a similar way.

As I said though, I think you have to be able to sit with yourself, completely alone and be content. When you no longer feel lonely by yourself, you can start to develop some positive relationships. They’ll come as wonderful enrichment to your life but you’ll know in your heart that they are not crucial to your happiness. No one stays in your life. Everyone is temporary.

Try to remember that no matter how cruel people may seem, they are on the same journey that you are. Everyone is looking for a better life. Everyone is trapped up in their brains trying to figure out what their purpose is and what path will be the right choice. We don’t know what series of influences have been shoved down their throats as children. We don’t know why they do what they do. One thing is for sure though: they’re all doing the best they can with what they have been given. If you look at other people with empathy for their suffering, it allows you to forgive. Compassion is a amazingly strong gift that we were given. It has the power to bring peace to the world. And when you feel it truly, you don’t need it in return.

Move forward boldly on your own and know that there are people all around you who feel the same. Unfortunately, you can’t give away any of your thoughts. You’ll have to sort through them on your own. It’s nice to have someone to talk to who understands though. I think that’s why we all turn to this forum. You’re just as important as anyone else and you’re emotions are real. Don’t fight the way you feel. Only try to focus your thoughts on what good you can find. It will grow from there. I promise.