Yuni,
I ended a toxic relationship about a month ago and now he’s telling me his ex is moving back in with him. Too soon. Very painful. And then, I found relief. I was not in love with him. I needed him to love me…and he didn’t. We can’t control how other people feel. He is entitled to his own emotions and it’s none of my business what he thinks of me (a quote I heard somewhere). The need for love is almost a guarantee that you won’t find it. So, I’ve been trying fill my void with myself this month and surprisingly enough, it’s slowly bringing me strength. I can’t say I’m not hurt and I can’t say that I’m feeling joyful. I can say that I feel stronger now than I did in the relationship. I can also say I don’t find ANY relationship worth draining yourself of YOU.

I’m not lonely at all right now because I’m spending quality time with myself. The recognition that I was in a relationship out of the need for someone else and not because we were similar people is leading me to surround myself with people who are like me. If I told him I was meditating daily, he’d probably laugh and call me a hippie. I was so afraid of that before. Now…who freakin cares? I want to date someone who won’t laugh at the vulnerable, spiritual, and loving side of me and I want to be able to let that shine in a relationship…because really, it’s the best part of me.

If you feel yourself withdrawing around the one you are with, take note. We are superficially attracted to people who are good looking, successful, suave, etc…these are qualities society has trained you to look for. The qualities you should actually be looking for are those that connect you in a deep and meaningful way. More importantly, I would recommend spending some time developing friendships (with no physical attachments). Find a few gems in the world who accept you just the way you are. Live knowing that they are not crucial to your happiness but give thanks for the time that you do spend with them. I think that’s the way a good relationship works. You choose to have them in your life but you don’t need them.