Kate, you’ve just been through a huge change in your life and it’s natural that you feel lost and unsure right now. Your whole lifeview has just been shaken and set back down in a completely different configuration to what you’re used to, and there’s no quick fix for that. However, this could turn out to be a great chance for you, even if it seems overwhelming right now.

Just before I turned 30, I had a massive crisis that I hadn’t achieved anything I thought I would by that age – I’d just casually assumed I’d have a well-paid corporate job, a steady relationship and have done loads of travelling; instead I was single, hated my corporate job and had purposely stalled climbing the greasy corporate ladder, and had never got round to the travelling I’d yearned for. I realised I couldn’t much about the job or relationship straight away, but booked a plane ticket to Central America on the spur of the moment. That lead to me quitting my job and moving cities when I returned from my trip. Here’s the important part: I moved away from most of my friends and was faced with a fresh start, and realised I really didn’t know what I enjoyed doing when I wasn’t doing stuff to please other people.

The best thing you can do right now, is to take a little time to just think about what you enjoy doing. Small things. Things you do just for you and not to please other people. Don’t panic and don’t rush into any more big changes, you’ve got enought to process right now, but concentrate on finding things you love again, and surrounding yourself with people who will support you in that. That might be friends and family you have, or meeting new people through the things you love.

There are certain things in life you can change and influence, and others you can’t, and a very good friend of mine once said to me “worry about the things you can change, and stop worrying about what you can’t”. Kids and relationships – these are things that to a certain extent you can’t change; they will either happen or they won’t and us women are socially programmed to wrap ourselves in knots over it and feel like we’ve failed somehow if we don’t have a conventional life of marriage and children. Life flows in different ways for different people, some people will marry young and stay together, some will divorce, others meet someone much later or not at all. Some will have a loving relationship but not choose children. No one path is right or wrong and there are many ways to get there. Right now though, you need to find “you” again, I think, and remember who you are on your own, so you know who you might want to be when you meet someone again.

As for jobs, well, that’s one I’m still trying to figure out too! But it is scary thinking about changing careers, and something to undertake with thought and planning. Trying just jotting down what you enjoy, are good at, what your strengths are, any dream jobs, and see if anything jumps out at you. Explore avenues and do a little research – there’s no rush, but there’s lots of ideas out there to inspire you!

Anyway, I think the point of this essay I seem to have written was this: you’re not alone and things will get better because you’re already questioning how to improve thingg, so you’ve got the will to change. Best of luck!