DeepThinker – thank you for your reply and the compliment. I went to university when I was 20 to study architecture but as you can probably guess it didn’t work out and things have been pretty tough ever since.

I was an intern in the sailing industry a few years ago and tried so hard, making good contacts and speaking to the right people but eventually my contract wasn’t renewed due to the high amount of younger candidates. At the same time split up with a girl who meant very much to me. The result was that I became seriously depressed and ended up in hospital for a month. I was signed off work for two years and eventually started volunteering at my current workplace, which turned into a 6 month EU sponsored part-time employment which has been phased into a full time apprenticeship.

My confidence is now extremely low, I feel guilty about my past all the time and have the opinion that I deserve any abuse I get and must learn to accept it. Since beginning full time 2 new teenage employees have joined and are already way ahead of me, trained to earn more and generally boss me around, they are also good friends with the senior staff.

As my next position I don’t really know. I really just fell into my current role as I grew up on a farm and wanted to get back into nature. Unfortunately our farm was lost due to BSE and my parents separated soon after. The centre where I work is really focused on schooling youngsters and training up dressage horses to sell but I have no real interest in dressage or any ambition to be an instructor and play catch up with my colleagues. When work is over I usually feel to tired and depressed to think any more about it, and if there are any important people within the industry who come to work, I am generally kept away with the idea that I should keep my mouth shut while the seniors discuss their knowledge with the professionals.

Sorry to go on, I’m really not sure what to do.