Jonathan,

I am sorry to hear you have been through so much. I understand the wrath of depression. It can be crippling mentally and also physically. I recall days not being able to get out of bed. Taking my car for a simple oil change was a production, because my mind was racing with all the negative what ifs. Please address receiving treatment before doing anything else. It is certainly the cause for your slump in confidence and is holding you back and keeping you from progressing. Stop comparing yourself to others. Everybody has their own pace in which they accomplish things.

I wish you the best!