Hi Scottieflying and Gypsi 🙂

Thank you for raising this question. I myself also has ADHD and I think my experience can help with your own. Firstly thank you Gypsi for changing my perspective on ADHD. I was only diagnosed 5 months ago at the age of 33 and it was been a whirlwind of ups and down.
My diagnosis came from a difficult breakup and your partner is very lucky one for you to know he has ADHD and two that you are so understanding. Praise yourself for that. In a but shell we all need to look after ourselves and until he can educate himself and accept he’s difference and make fun of he’s ways he will always be as he is. You can support but you can’t change him. He can only do that.

Men are also different as per left right brain thinkers and you need to give him the breathing space and accept he’s ways. Encouraging too much may have the opposite effect. I recommend you talk about what you notice because most likely he doesn’t and how if affects you. Then joke about it and all the positive that comes with it. But most importantly decide on a way to signal when he is self destructive and allow him to give you permission to prompt him in he’s own way for he’s own benefit. Hope this helps.
I lived 8 years knowing I prob levy had ADHD but due to self esteem issues and previous work bullying I could never get round to opening up to my partner at the time. I too suffered the same, overthinking, paranoid at times, distorted approach to tasks and impulsive behaviour. Only in medication gave me a heightened sense of awareness and to support others but did not help with tasks themselves in fact made me no longer me. I am currently off medication. I lost a loving relationship and I am still mourning it. Awareness of how I was in that relationship with inner anger hurts and my diagnosis came but only when I was at my worst. When I go into a new relationships it will only be when I accept myself and everyone around is aware if how I will be and not to take it personally. Only then can I give 100% to someone else and support someone else’s needs. ….your partner is looking to have your support and no doubt by you seeing him for who he is and working to each other’s strengths you will no longer see the need to help but to support him for who he is.