I know how you feel. My last serious relationship never made it the ‘I love yous’. I felt like I was heading that way but as I’d never been there before, I was very cautious about letting myself fully get into it without ascertaining his feelings too. He very bluntly told me that he was having a great time with me but ‘wouldn’t let himself fall in love’ – the reason was that he’d be moving away back to his home country a year later and didn’t want to get into all that. I realised how cold and clinical that was, and that I didn’t want to be with someone who ‘wouldn’t let himself’ fall in love. I wanted to be irresistable and for him to not be able to help his feelings! Now with the second guy (who did eventually open himself to that), I was willing to wait, because I knew his reluctance stemmed from his own fears and past experiences. Guy number one however was purely just not up for feeling that way about me. And the fact it was a decision for him told me everything I needed to know. I broke up with him so that I could be free to meet someone capable of actually loving me.

It was the hardest break up I’ve gone through. I actually grieved that relationship on and off for over 2 years (we were only together 6 months!!) I occasionally wondered if I should have waited, and given him more time to realise how awesome I was so that he couldn’t help falling in love with me, but I knew in my heart that he wasn’t right for me. And despite the many tears shed, and the sadness and horribleness (new word!) of that break-up, one thing I could always hold on to was that I had acted with respect to myself because I knew in my heart that I deserved and wanted more than a guy who ‘wouldn’t let himself’ fall in love.

Now I don’t know your guy, and I couldn’t say if he is more like my guy 1 or guy 2 (or in a whole new category of his own!). But I think you will know if you listen to your heart. Love isn’t always as straightforward as films and novels make out, and I think there are definitely occasions where patience is required. I think the biggest test for that is basically: are you happy to be patient? Are you enjoying this relationship, and getting to know this person enough that you can justify being in the relationship without hearing those words said to you? Is what the two of you have bringing you happiness and joy on a day-to-day basis? How long could you keep going with things as they are without having him confirm his love? If you could glimpse 3 years into the future, and see that he still hadn’t said it to you, would you feel awful about wasting time with someone who wasn’t on the same page as you? Etc…

One thing for sure, there is nothing needy about wanting to be loved by your partner. Respect yourself. Trust yourself. Be brave to communicate your needs and wants and fears and dreams with this man. If he is the one for you, he will grow through this and take that leap. If he isn’t, it will hurt like hell, but you WILL move forwards and eventually he will become just one part of your history (always so much easier to say that to someone else than hear it for yourself though…).