Elsie – I wanted to follow up and let you know that I have continued to work on myself during this painful time and I have realized that I became distant because I was not being true to my inner soul. I had basically sold my soul to earn a living and was dead inside. The truth is, I love my wife more than anything and I was not able to give her what she needs because I was not giving myself what I need. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. I realize now that my wife is a lot like you and she just needed me to acknowledge her and say some kind words in that genuine manner that would make her heart soar. In fact her affair started because some jerk approached her at a bar and said she was hot. She was so empty that those words where all it took. Look, I understand that she made some very poor decisions and she is going to have to own that. However, if we had just been honest with each other then we could have had something very beautiful. Since this has all happened, I am feeling more alive then ever before, like I have been awakened to the real me. I am feeling things and experiencing things I never did. I am reading the essays on Self-Reliance and Love by Ralph Waldo Emerson, I am reading Eckhart Tolle, I am taking long walks and trail runs and swimming in the ocean. This is allowing me to be in the present and be fully alive. I have to say, it has been amazing. I feel bad that I was not able to share this true self with my wife when I had the chance, but at least I am finding it now! At this point all I can do is work on my self. We have not spoken for one week now and I sincerely hope she is working on herself as well.

Maybe your husband is beautiful inside too…he just needs to be awakened to let it out. Unfortunately for me it took the reality of losing the women I love in order for me to awaken. You will never know how amazing your relationship will be until you are 100% honest with each other and stop relying on each other to make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. You cannot be afraid of losing something.