You say about this guy that “he was finally making me happy again”. No he wasn’t. Nobody makes you happy. Nothing makes you happy. Happiness is something that comes from within. It’s not the external conditions of your life that make you happy. It’s the meaning you make around them in your brain, and it’s the choices you make about how you would like to feel.

There are people with loads of money, lots of sex, great career…but they’re not happy. They’re not happy because it’s not external conditions that really “make you” happy.

There are people in prison who have access to very little…but they’re happy. They’re happy because it’s not external conditions that really “make you” happy.

Happiness is a choice. A choice you make. It’s something that you create within yourself. You don’t create it only when you are given a reason to. You create it because it’s the way you choose to be and the way you choose to live.

As for one of your best friends from back home. Maybe she had a long day and forgot to text you back? Have you considered that as she probably had a very long day shopping? The idea she no longer likes you is nothing other than an assumption you’ve made based on limited evidence.

And if she does no longer want to be friends with you, so what? You have one less friend. And?

Now let’s go through the last bit:

“And now everyone I’ve met and become friends with is leaving” – EVERYONE? Absolutely everyone. Are you sure about this or are there any people at all that are not leaving? If it’s really true that everybody is leaving, then it’s time to create some new friendships. That’s fine. You’re not the first person to lose all their friends and then have to create lots of new friendships. In fact this is a pretty normal part of life.

“now I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, the friends I’ve made here and will have to start fresh mid-year at a new school” – yes, you will.

“where everyone already has friends groups and I won’t fit in.” – Why are you telling yourself this? Do you think this kind of talk will help you? You haven’t even been to this place yet, so why are you predicting the future.

First off, disconnect from NEEDING company. You don’t need company all the time. Become comfortable with being alone. It’s fine to be alone, you know. Sometimes even better than having company. If this is a problem for you then my advice is to become comfortable being alone. Stop judging yourself just because you spend time alone. I spend a lot of time alone and enjoy it very much. I don’t call myself a loner or a loser because that would be destructive, false, pointless and would harm my social chances. Do you see? I just choose not to do it. I’m not saying I’ve NEVER done it. In the past I’ve done it. Guess what? It harmed my social chances and self-esteem. So stop doing it. When you’re alone, you’re alone. Doesn’t say anything about you. Doesn’t mean you’re better or worse than others. Enjoy being alone.

If you need people then you will be needy. This is weak, weak, weak. You will form flimsy friendships based on need. Then you will cling onto friendships that don’t work just because you feel you need them. Solution? Disconnect from neediness and attach to desire. If you want to create relationships and friendships, AWESOME. But remove the necessity from it. Once you’re comfortable with being alone, then you are free to create friendships without feeling that you NEED them. Once you can do that, then awesome – you now start to form friendships and relationships more and more easily as you realize now just how easy it is to connect to what you want to create without worrying about if those relationships end. If a friendship ends, so what? You just create a new one. When one ends, you create the next. It’s not the same as the last one – in fact, maybe it will surprise you when you discover that it could be even better…

What you believe will dictate how you show up in life. If you believe that you won’t fit in, guess what? You won’t. SO STOP BELIEVING THAT. It’s nonsense. Are you telling me that nobody who has joined in year 2 of university has formed friendships? Oh please. People can join in year 3 and still form friendships as close as anybody else’s. The thing that dictates how meaningful your friendships are is NOT when you’ve joined the university. It’s about how you show up when you DO join. If you show up needy of course you won’t create meaningful relationships with people. If you show up comfortable with being alone and looking forward to creating great experiences with new friends, then of course people will form friendships with you and you friendships with them. And if you don’t, you don’t. After all, you’re becoming comfortable with being alone, aren’t you?

You’re destined to create what you believe. If you become needy and start believing nobody will ever stick around, guess what? Then you’ll be needy and they won’t stick around. But when you believe now that you have the ability and the worth to create friendships that last, then that can almost begin to become a possibility now that becomes as rewarding and as exciting as joining the new university and having that new experience when you see yourself creating what you desire and desiring what you create and realizing now how powerful that is.

Nothing can knock you down, because nothing has power over you like that. Remember: you create your own happiness. External conditions are not responsible for you or your happiness. With that in mind, in the past you knocked yourself down by telling yourself stuff like “boo hoo nobodys my friend and im a loner waa”. When you change that script now and start running the new one – “I’m comfortable with being alone because being alone says nothing about my self worth and I know how easy it is for me to create new powerful friendships that last when I join the new year of university now”, then you find yourself happier and less needy in the future and you may even become surprised that you can’t end your friendships because they last so long that you’re still trying to get rid of them on your death bed!

Best of luck. You don’t need it, because you are already enough now. All you have to do now is step into your own power and find how wonderful that feels now. Here’s to a successful new year at uni.

And don’t forget: your new university is a new start. A fresh start. So you can look back on your drinking, sex and smoking and realize that the stuff that didn’t serve you or was undesirable can serve as a reminder to you as what NOT to do when you join the new place.

Sending you hugs and kisses xoxo

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Rock Banana.