@gaelicgirl said:
That little sentence hit me like a ton of bricks. 15 years together, 10 years married, and 2 children later I thought that things were good, maybe not terrific, like our honeymoon years, but happy. Apparently, I was wrong. It’s been about 6 months since he said those words to me and we’ve been working on things only to be having problems again. He loves me but he doesn’t love me the way he did a year ago, 5 years ago, or when we married (he actually told me this). He’s not cheating on me so it just makes me a bit crazy to think that he can fall out of love when I seemingly thought things were fine. It was a tough pill to swallow. I lived and breathed in the deepest depression, fighting to stay in “survival mode” for my kids sake. The funny part is that now after dealing with all the pain, grief, and stress of it all I feel…better. Almost like I’m at peace, even though my husband still hasn’t made up his mind about us. I think I’m okay because its a defense mechanism. I can’t go on living and working in that deep dark place so I need to move on and try to find some joy in my daily life. After finding this website and reading the articles and posts I feel stronger knowing that I am not alone. For some strange reason I’m okay. I’m taking one day at a time and trying not to overwhelm myself with the future. I’m still not certain what I’m going to do… though honestly, I’m going to wait for him to tell me his answer. My husband made his choice and now I want him to tell me to my face that he no longer loves me and wants a divorce. I’m not going to bail him out and say I want a divorce. I feel he needs to accept responsibility for his choices and actions. Once he tells me what he wants I will make a decision whether or not to stay with him. I think that is fair.

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Hi gaelicgirl,

eventhough I’m not very experienced in married life, but from what I read from your post, I have a differing view.
This might or might not be what your husband is going through, but I find it important to let you know, and hope you can stay blissful with your husband, kids and life.

From what I understand, so far everything has been quite smooth sailing, and because it has been many years, maybe what he is going through is a little bit of doubt with his life. He might be feeling too comfortable with everything, and thus the burning passion has calmed down, and it’s just there burning on its own quietly but he mistook it as ‘he lost the feeling of loving you’. But as he said, he still loves you, and is totally faithful and not cheating on you, so I think maybe you can try to get that passion burning strongly again? (Many things takes 2 hands to clap. You should not give up just because he thinks he don’t love you.) What if he was wrong about his own thinking? It might end up as a great mistake for both your lifes. You can try to make him feel more loved, like organising family outing? Picnics? Or let someone trustable take care of your kids, and go on a 2-person date alone! Watch your old videos with him? Your old wedding photos and videos and the vows? Dress up for the special occasion and talk to him calmly about what you think , it might after all work out.

As long as he doesn’t do anything unfaithful, I’m sure his heart is still with you, because afterall, you guys have been together for so many years. I’m sure it’s because of both of you working hard in this relationship, so don’t give up.

Because we are all humans, I know it might not sound right for someone to get ‘bored’ of their smooth sailing life or relationship, but it isn’t impossible. We all need a little enthusiasm and excitment sometime in our life to make things fun and stuff. 🙂

Hope everything works out well for you!!
My best wishes~