Just wanted to comment and hopefully offer what I feel worked for me in the hopes it helps you find a little serenity.

I know what you are going through, I recently had a 2+ year relationship end out of the blue for me and I was right there with you feeling all the terrible things you’ve felt. A lot of what you said mirrored a lot of the issues in my previous relationship. Reading your post reminded me of the last time I spoke to my ex on the phone, when I told her I loved her and got next to nothing in response. That sinking realization that set in, the sickening feeling in my stomach, and the pain of rejection. I remember trying to formulate what I wanted to say next in my brain and desperately trying to apply logic and reason my way out of the situation – my usual response to problems. I couldn’t understand how someone who I would have done anything for and who I thought loved me the same way would tell me so suddenly they didn’t love me anymore. I had forgotten that all the plans we had made, the way I thought things would be – all those expectations were made on my terms and not life’s terms. I had to remember this person that I loved so greatly had wants and needs also – and while those no longer included me – if I really loved that person I had to understand and accept that. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was to show her compassion afterwards feeling the way that I did.

I delved deeply into exercise – I had been making plans to start back working out but now I sort fell fully into it. In those first few weeks – there were a lot of days where the only time I didn’t have my mind on what had happened or wasn’t in a perpetual state of sadness was when I was focusing my mind and body on forcing myself to run that little extra half a mile or that extra five minutes. I wasn’t trying to ignore the pain but sometimes you just have to set it aside and give yourself a break from it – even if it’s only for a few minutes. I began meditating and really trying to make permanent changes to better myself. I realized there were things about myself I wanted to change beyond the physical. I’m not saying meditation and exercise are the end-all-be-all and will take away all the pain but there’s no doubt they will help you to feel better and at least give you a few moments of respite in your day. I made a list of things to do for the day that I needed to stick to (diet, exercise, studying for classes, meditating, etc) and when I was feeling sad or down I would run through all the things I was capable of doing to better myself that day and if I had done them then I tried to take solace in the idea that I had done all I could for that day and that was the best I could do. I had to take it one day at a time and accept gratitude for all the good that I had in my life and that had come as a result of our breakup.

I’m not saying exercise and meditation are guaranteed to work as well for you, you may have to find your own outlets, but there are a few things you WILL need to do or learn to do with time. You nee to show some compassion and love to yourself, detach from him and the idea that anyone but you is responsible for your own happiness, and allow yourself to feel (but not dwell on) the feelings – and let them go.

Give yourself some credit for the positive response you have already made to the situation – try to look at the positive that has come out of the situation and be grateful for the time you had together. Continue looking forward and know that time will begin to heal you but you have to do your part as well.

Best wishes
Matt

• This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Matthew.