I’m glad that my post was maybe able to help you in some way. Try not to beat yourself up over not understanding something, we all learn things at different paces and you may get more out of a particular experience than I do. The younger version of myself would have dealt with things in such a different way. I would have become a recluse and shut the outside world out worrying only about my own pain but I’ve found that reaching out to others and sharing really heightens your compassion for yourself as well as others and has helped me so much more in times like this. That is one of the ways my breakup has made me a better version of myself I think. I’m sure in time you will be able to see the ways what you have gone through has made you stronger as well.

I know how hard it is to fight the urge to want to try to fix things, how much you want everything to go back the way it was, and if you are anything like me you’ve probably gone over all the little things that you maybe could have done to fix things. The truth of the matter is you are worthy of the love and happiness you desire and none of the things you think you did wrong or wished you could do differently changes that. I know it’s hard to detach the feelings of happiness you relate to that person – but it is not fair to yourself to think of it as something you have done wrong. From your account I don’t think your ex was wrong when he claimed he was lucky to have you – he was absolutely right – remember that when you are feeling down. My ex told me some of the same things (you are the best man I’ve ever dated, I’m so lucky to have you, etc.) and I can understand how it leaves you wondering how someone could ever say those things and then suddenly tell you they don’t love you one day. Try your best not to focus on that, it might not be something you will ever fully get the answers to, instead focus on the positives about yourself and remember you are worthy and you are worth it – your wants and needs matter just as much. You may not always believe that – you may have times where you struggle and the pain feels too great – but treat each day as it’s own victory if you have to, keep telling yourself that even if you don’t believe it and in time as you are given more of a chance to heal you will find it to be true.

I haven’t totally moved on – I still get tripped up into those feelings from time to time – I don’t think I would say I have gotten myself together so much as forced myself not to let it bring me down completely. It’s only been a few months but I can see progress in myself and that is reassuring and what I am focusing on instead of how bad I still feel sometimes. There have been days where I felt like I was completely over it that were followed by days where I felt immense sadness and hopelessness but as tiring as it is – I feel like with every opportunity to process and react to those feelings with compassion and gratitude for all the good things in my life I am made a little bit stronger. I am becoming a much happier person by changing the way I deal with sadness – if that makes any sense. For me it’s been a lot about forcing myself to react in a much more positive and constructive way that I would have in the past and not necessarily feeling like I’ve totally moved on.

Again I hope that helps again in some way, know that you’re not out there alone struggling with this, but also know you are strong enough to find happiness and serenity without having to rely on anyone else to achieve it.

Matt