Hi Musingman,

Don’t worry there are some success stories out there, though I can tell you that I am a work in progress with my anxiety.
To understand my anxiety I began to sit with the feeling and let it in- but the thoughts I change them. The first thing that goes through your head during a panic attack are “oh my god not again” etc. But instead of thinking that I take deep breaths and calmly say to myself ‘it’s okay I can control this. You will be fine.’ I would then take myself to a safe place which is quiet and sit down and breathe. Then i’d count down from 10 with my breaths focusing entirely on those.

The steps I have taken to overcome everyday anxieties is to observe them. I meditate daily for 20 minutes to an hour so I can understand myself more. I watch how it makes me feel and the thoughts. I then listen intently to my thoughts and be as supportive to myself as possible. I let the feelings of panic and chest tightness in, I don’t fight them, I let the feelings in but as the same time I am supportive to myself, kind to myself.

I believe thoughts are the key to success so the more work you do on your thoughts, the easier to handle situations that may cause anxiety.

Trust me I have been on those boards with people lamenting over their anxiety- and the fundamental issue is that the majority do not wish to face their anxiety. They have chosen to not choose happiness and calm and would rather use drugs and moan to doctors and psychiatrists and complain about society before they actually sat down and looked at themselves. Anxiety is all related to thoughts which then attaches to feelings.

So to change the feelings, change the thoughts. One small compassionate step at a time.

I was there too. I blamed everyone else, but now I realise its me who has to change. I have to love myself, look after myself and most important of all TAKE RESPONSIBILITY of my thoughts and actions because no one is suffering around me, just I am making myself suffer and that is not how I choose to live.

When feeling anxiety I’ve had to become more compassionate towards myself. I understand that I may have limitations but I cannot live in anxiety of my anxiety- if you understand what I mean. So to counter that what I do is everyday I do something small and minor or put myself in a situation which may cause me some anxiety. However it is controlled and safe- not like I’m standing in front of charging bulls. The key here is to start small, very small, little goals and achievements and patting yourself on your back for doing so.

So for example this is what I do for my social anxiety (this is spread out over a course of a week):
– Say something nice to a stranger
– Go to the coffee shop at the top of the road and treat myself to a hot chocolate
– Go for long walks in areas I have designated as ‘safe’
– Help someone in need (virtual or physical presence)
– Write down daily what made me feel good/ achievements

Aims are a great way of finding out how much you can do. Though I want to remind you when it feels like its too much its okay to walk away. No one has the right to question you and you do not need to give them answers.

The first step is mostly to work on the thoughts- because believe it, its the thoughts that begin that chest grappling feeling. So conquer them with kindness to yourself (through meditation and gratitude journalling and actively listening to your thoughts)

Second is to write a list of small aims to slowly desensitise you to the triggers of anxiety- so the coffee shop one was because Im afraid of crowded places and people looking at me. So to sit there have a hot chocolate is an act of kindness for myself as I get to treat myself while I do something that scares me 🙂

Third is then to expand little by little on those aims, keeping mind of step one of your thoughts. So continue doing things that may frighten you but be kind to yourself in the process.

I hope this has helped in some way!