Just my view after similar feelings… Think of it like you are having a drink from a glass/cup.. you find somewhere along that drink that you do not like the way it tastes, so you empty your cup and try something different. You enjoy the different flavor but something is not right. What you failed to do was clean the cup before filling it again. Sounds like you are holding onto something, most likely fear of becoming depressed again.. but keep in mind that knowing the path and walking the path are 2 different things, and no one ever said it was a race!!!