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Reply To: A Lost Sense of Purpose-Advice for recent grad

HomeForumsPurposeA Lost Sense of Purpose-Advice for recent gradReply To: A Lost Sense of Purpose-Advice for recent grad

#70079
Alex
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Around 10 years ago, I was standing in front of my college apartment. I call it an apartment, but it was a really a small house that I was renting with my friend Nicky; I have spent the last 30 minutes trying to remember/find the address for that house, but it eludes me. It is weird the things you forget, and the things you remember.

I remember that it was a particularly chilly December night at around 2 in the morning, and the stars seemed so unusually bright and the night’s quiet extraordinarily profound. The night was peaceful, but I was not. I felt lost and direction-less, frightened of the uncertainties in my own future, and bitter that life had not worked out according to my plans.

You see, a few months back, the plan was for me to graduate on time and to start my career; I had been interning with this company for the past two years, and I had a permanent position line up upon graduation. However, due to departmental budget cuts and a scheduling conflict that was beyond my control, I was required to stay an extra semester at school. I lost that job offer.

During that extra semester, I faced a constant string of rejections, and I really started questioning my career path and life choices. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it ‘right‘ this time around because I felt that I had let my parents and myself down. However, it seemed that no matter what I do or how hard I worked, it didn’t amount to anything; I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

So on that chilly night in December, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself because I hadn’t landed another job and my future outlook seemed bleak. After standing around for 20 minutes, it got colder and I realized I needed to pee, but I remember thinking that I wasn’t ready to go inside because I wasn’t done feeling sorry for myself. It was the ridiculousness of this thought that finally woke me up, and I bursted out laughing.

I was a child throwing a tantrum at the unfairness of the world, and I was acting like an idiot. I was putting so much pressure on myself to find a good job with a good company that offers good pay along with challenging work and great people – an ideal job that I felt I had to get right now! I had the rest of my life to look forward to, but I was so stuck on that first step that I was paralyzed by fear and self-pity.

I went to bed that night feeling better than I had in weeks. My situation didn’t change, but my mentality certainly had. I figured I would wrap up the remainder of my days at college, go back up north to enjoy the holidays, and then tackle the job situation afterwards. The very next day my car was rear-ended by another driver while I was waiting at a stoplight.

While everyone else was heading back for the holidays, I was stuck waiting for my car to get fixed. During that time, I received an out-of-the-blue phone call for a job interview with a local company. It was fortunate that I hadn’t yet left for the holidays so the company scheduled me for an in-person interview right away. For the actual interview, I actually tried to talk my way out of the job as I felt I was under-qualify, and additionally I felt like I was cheating because I didn’t actually apply for the job and instead the company found me.

I think the President of the company appreciated the fact that I was so upfront during the whole process, and he had more faith in my abilities than I did. Two days after the interview, I received an official offer letter in the mail, and I decided to accept the position fully knowing that I didn’t know what I was doing.

It has been around 10 years since. In that time, I have worked for startups, worked for non-profits, worked for the government, worked in the NFL, succeeded in starting my own business, and failed at setting up other businesses. I have taken a year-and-a-half off from work to travel around the world, and I have encountered countless moments similar to that chilly December night where I stood at a crossroad of indecision not knowing what the future will bring and feeling utterly hopeless and despondent.

Oftentimes, I wonder how my life would have turned out had things went according to my original plan. If only one single thing in a series of events had turn out differently – what if I had graduated on time, what if I hadn’t submitted my resume through the career website, what if I had not been rear-ended before the winter holidays, what if I hadn’t stepped outside of the house on that December night.

We all make mistakes; We all fall. Plans don’t always work out and sometimes that is for the better. All we can do is try to move forward and trust that it will all somehow work out.

Do what you can; Have faith in everything else.

  • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Alex.