Hi Maggie,

Yes, thinking of the “BIG” issue I left out is overwhelming and intentional. I was worried that it would take over the focus of my words, of our relationship and love, just as it has in our real lives. I was hoping for feedback without consideration of The Big Issue.

Yes, I am in charge of much of the relationship work, he has worked hard too over the years. He has spent much time in therapy with me and really does give it his best. I feel that we all have strengths and weaknesses and mine is insight and awareness in our relationship, therefore I’m ok with that role. He over contributes in other areas that I lack. I think the point though is am I more invested and am I the only person of us both that really wants this or do I just want it more than him? The answer is that I do believe he loves and wants us to be together as much as I want it but he has intentionally sabotaged things because of The Big Issue.

I have given him much space these months. Recently he has taken up a separate bedroom. It doesn’t matter because he is stuck on and consumed by The Big Issue. Ugh!! The relationship is running its course and going to naturally end. It just feels so wrong as I know we both want to be together.

So The Big Issue: His teenage daughter has expressed that she does not want to visit him anymore and has said that she would like to kill us. There is so much more to it, so much that has happened. Anyway, I do not doubt her desire and ability to hurt us. I have found proof of her deception and desire and smaller things she has done to spite us. It is not simply typical teen anger and confusion, but she also lacks sufficient empathy and remorse. I have felt the need to set more boundaries to protect us all and I have insisted that she can no longer come to the house for visitations but that they need to be done elsewhere. The biggest fight was that he wanted her here for Christmas but this frightened me because even if I left and gave them the house, she could possibly tamper the food that I come back to or something else. M has taken my words as a personal attack against him and his daughter. That is not the case, I have loved her for years, she is troubled and I feel that her anger towards us is in part due to him wanting to force visitations without regard to her wants. I do not think it is wise of him the way he is dealing with her and it is not good for her.

So the result is that M is in terrible pain and taking all his frustrations out on me. It is his ex wife that alienated him from her, not me, but he responds to me in a hypersensitive manner as though I am plotting against him. He has PTSD from the trauma of their marriage, divorce, alienation of his child and now his teen girl has actually began being emotionally abusive to him as well the past two years. So he is freaking out, sees my requests as a source of stress and he is continuing to regress from all the work we have done in therapy the past years. (Therapist agrees too that he is on a downward spiral of regressions but was hoping we could heal together)

I know now anyone would tell me to run. Which is why I avoided this part. We are both loving people, I know we both wish things between us could be wonderful. It just seems like this challenge added would be insurmountable to any couple…. I almost wish I met him 5 years from now when he is done with this part of his life, and some other girl had to live through this period with him. (Not that I wish it on another soul)

Idk, something about parting ways, when we both love and want one another seems wrong to me. I am listening to this discontent I’m having and it is what has me stuck.