Hi Kate,

I read your post and it brought tears to my eyes. I have been there and I know what you are going through. So many of the things you wrote mirror what happened to me a few years ago. I was married to a woman that cheated on me and it took quite some time to get over it. My marriage was going on the 16th year when I found out through emails that she was cheating. I have two sons and that’s probably the biggest difference with what you said in your post. I had to struggle to be there for them too while I went through this.

It does get better but everyone gets over things at their own pace. I tried to save my marriage for about 6 months and that delayed the whole process of getting over it. It probably took a year to feel a little more like myself again. I hope it’s sooner for you.
I understand going through all the holidays and anniversaries is heartbreaking. Just feel what you are feeling at the time and move past them. I was lucky enough to have a family and friends that cared about what I was going through. If you have great friends that will be there for you, take that help. I went to counseling and I also went to a divorce support group. I have found it was truly helpful to release what I was feeling about what happened.

It will get better. I was a wreck for about the same time. I never thought I would stop feeling that anguish but I did. You are a young intelligent woman, and that moron blew it. I want to say that I love my boys, and wouldn’t give them up for the world, but be glad you didn’t have kids with this guy. You don’t have to have anything to do with him again. I will always have a connection to the lowlife I was married to.

Kate, my heart goes out to you because I have walked the same path you are on. You should start doing some of the things on list you mentioned. You need it. Don’t isolate yourself. I know it isn’t good for you.

I want to mention one last thing. You said you were going through hell right now. I read a quote by Winston Churchill when I was going through this. It said, ” If you are going through hell, keep going” Don’t give up. You are better than this thing that happened to you.