I just wanted to echo what sara80 said above – neither of you two are alone in this struggle or this situation. Even when we know that the people we thought we knew or once loved are bad for us and don’t deserve our presence in their lives, it’s really difficult to dissociate ourselves because you must mourn both the person you thought would never hurt you as well as the future you’ll never have. And even when they’re scum, when they’ve made it clear that they don’t “want you” there’s this part that asks, well if they’re so awful and don’t deserve me anyway, why don’t they want me??

Allow yourself to do that mourning and feel that sadness. Don’t hate yourself or fight yourself for still wanting it to work out in your heart because you’re grieving a real loss – the person you thought you knew has died, is never coming back, and it’s okay to miss him, but know that the him that exists now is nowhere near the same person you once let into your heart. I think there’s a guilt that comes in recognizing that you do miss someone who people says you shouldn’t. That you should be too angry and stronger than to still have any feelings for a lying cheater. But that’s just not the way it works – you’re not weak for missing him, you’re just human.