Kate, that strong, confident, loving person you were still exists. You were a whole, complete person before you knew him, and you still are now. He didn’t make you whole and it wasn’t because of him that you were strong.

I know it doesn’t feel that way when you wake up miserable and constantly ruminating about how your life has come to what it is right now, but that’s just because the pain of loss and the struggle of rebuilding your life without someone you never thought you’d have to live without is blinding you. Science literally shows that what the brain goes through after a breakup is very similar to the withdrawal that cocaine addicts experience when separated from the drug. It’s you going through the process of kicking your addiction that makes you feel weak and incomplete right now. Add to that the stresses of being in a new country without any support system or employment, and anyone would be feeling the way you do right now. But here’s the thing – life is still happening and you are moving along with it. You’re seeking out healthy ways to heal and looking for support from places like this. That is how you know that you are INCREDIBLY strong and that’s how you can and should definitely still take pride in your strength. Because you ARE living without him, and even though there are still lots of obstacles for you to overcome, every day that passes, no matter how brutal, is one more day you’ve lived without the person you once counted on and sacrificed so much for – that is proof of the strength that you have inside you!

He wasn’t willing to show you the same love and fidelity and basic human courtesy that you showed him and it’s going to take time and self-love for you to “let that go.” That’s okay – there’s no timeline for you to let things go, you are allowed to feel what you feel, when you feel it, no matter what. The bottom line is that you deserve someone who DOES show you that love and fidelity, and that is how you know that you were meant for much better than he could give you. Even if you’re not religious, all you need to have faith in is yourself, that you are enough and loveable. That being alone is much better than being put through the same heartache and betrayal and hurt that continuing a relationship with him would cause. Remember that you would be stuck perpetually dealing with even more of his shit if you two were still together. Instead you get to fall in love with yourself, you get to be selfish rather than continuing to sacrifice for him, and you get to start a new life in a new country where you are free to do anything you want. Revel in that – he’s some other poor girl’s problem now.