I am not sure that I am understanding completely. You say he refuses to touch you there. Or is he just not touching you with anything other than his penis? Do you have intercourse? Are you able to find ways together that ARE pleasing to you sexually?

I think that what we do and how we relate to another in bed is often consistent with how we relate in the relationship. For example, when I was feeling my BF was withholding of himself in our relationship, he also was less active in bed and I felt like I was doing all the work and pleasing.