Hi. I read your post and all of the comments. I’m actually in a web of emotions lately. Long story short. I am a lesbian femme married to a bunch. Six and a half years now. I’ve left twice. And came back both times. I’m sure you can imagine how the taking me back went on. But I struggle with firstly I am feminine, emotional, full of self doubt etc.. I can empathize with everything you guys feel. I feel it too. However, being she is buck/more masculine and dominant, we express things differently. Yes she is a woman and has the same chemical emotional makeup, but we’ve been fighting lately and it feels we are on other sides of the world. She’s got mental issues anxiety etc.. but my concern is, is she really in love with ME or just the idea of me or the idea of love or whatever her expectation in her mind is. I am deeply romantic and passionate and I find its like she is too.. but not the way with ME that I envision. She’s got health problems too so questioning the status of our relationship is nearly impossible and I have looked pay our stormy history, but its peeking back through .. and the last fight we had I was an emotional crying wreck… and yet I sadly looked up pinterest quotes to cheer myself up and apologized and tried to act put together, but we start bickering and then my mind spirals all over again. Is this right? Does she want to change me out vice versa? Should I ignore the BS and focus on our love and commitment? But what if we’ve just habitually conditioned our hearts to feel our minds to believe we are deeply in love when maybe just maybe me, or her, or both is just in love with the idea of love. God I had to google the difference to get it. I still don’t understand. But then what if I’m deep inside expecting this love that’s not “her” like she will never never chase me down after a fight and apologize and profess her deep love for me. She’s a stubborn italian. But in all sincerity, I am more concerned that maybe my life my relationship isn’t going to go the ways I keep ring to convince myself they will be. If that makes sense. We’ve had bouts of confrontation, emotional, mental, physical… maybe I’m all shaken up tonight because it’s the first time in a while it went “there” physically. She stormed off to the bedroom and I sat shocked on the couch and cried like a part of me died. And all I could do was sob and pray to god. This is days after she bought me a rainbow rose and told me how much I have been helping her etc love love bla bla.. sorry for the ramble. But I’ve had zero outlet in like 6 years..