And to answerr your reflective questions: I want a life filled with fun/excitement, stimulation mental physical etc, closeness.connected ness, and purpose/direction

An I getting these now in my life, somewhat, sometimes. Yes and no. It’s never just black and white for me. She has her own personal journey and we made goals together to travel etc do fun stuff. When were not fighting and stuff everything’s awesome were in sync. I feel like the most important woman in the world. But my life lacks a lot to be honest. Friends, connections, expressive outlets, romance flirtation sex, direction, initiative.. I have so many goals dreams life purposes ambitions wishes hope ideas projects etc.. I even started a dream jar. A good feng shui tip too. And yes I know I am preventing myself from achieving my dreams, but secretly I feel I cannot creatively be me openly without shane or have initiative always concerning myself with another person. I miss my friend. I miss making my own little world. I miss blasting music and singing in the shower. I miss those moments. But when I think of us and the relationship we’ve built and are growing, I am happy and hopeful.. I left this bdsm tryst relationship thing to come back here to be with my wife.. She is more important at the end of the day.. And to Anbar the last, if we broke up I’m sure after a year I’d be okay, creating a new start. Buy I’d be haunted with the heartbreak and memories of a love I know I’d regret if I left. I know the feeling. I’ve had it several times before.. But I am hopeful and optimistic and cliche.. I believe in happy endings in everything always being okay and things working out for the best.. so if I stay, I can be hopeful and try to be more action oriented in my life and stand by my wife and support her, or I can forge my own path and see if I mass the ruby choice or the biggest mistake of a lifetime. Because knowing me, if I fund someone else, I will compare them and put them at a competition in a weird way, I know me. I attach and can never seem to let go completely fully. I am a nostalgic kind of girl… now what else can you gauge from all of this? Thanks again.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Cupocake.