There is a book called “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie. I highly recommend you pick it up and read it. It’s not that you’re ‘attracting this shit’, it’s that you have a lesson to learn, and until you learn it you will keep getting the same lesson over and over. I have dealt with a narcissist before as well and also with toxic people. They just exist. You can’t change them or hold out hope they’ll change on their own. In their heads they make sense and you’re the one who’s crazy. All you can do is learn to detach when they start pulling you into their drama. You need to learn to set healthy emotional and physical boundaries. Get away from your ex, you can’t live with him – your life and your kids’ lives will always be in chaos. Instead seek peace, and do what you need to do to create that peace in your life. Once you’ve managed to do that, you’ll go to all lengths in order to maintain it, too. Good luck!