Whatever is in the past is in the past. Let that go. Ask yourself what is preventing you from accepting and loving not only your spouse, but yourself wholeheartedly? Shame? Fear? Everyone has their story. Their baggage. Their crap, as it were. If you can open yourself up to the possibility of what a truly loving committed relationship can be — you will be surprised at how wonderful the reward is. Google Bryne Brown Ted Talks on Loving Wholeheartedly and Shame. It’s really powerful and will change your mindset. You deserve love and happiness no matter what occurred in the past.