Littlebean, the timing of your post couldn’t be more perfect. I’m 33, but can identify with how you are feeling. I too had what I what I thought was my dream job before it turned into a nightmare. By the end, I was sleeping 3 hours a night, checking e-mails at 4am and lucky if I was able to stomach 1 meal a day. It was actually my boss that made me realize that this wasn’t the job for me and helped facilitate an exit plan that was beneficial to everyone. While there is no doubt in my mind it was the right thing for me, I never could have prepared for the impending sense of loss and failure that would accompany it. I had always been extremely successful in my career: multiple promotions, outstanding reviews and awards. So while “publicly” it was my decision to leave, knowing that I was encouraged to resign is a secret that has been slowly killing me. So many people have told me how brave I am to take time off without a plan and the guilt just eats away at me knowing that I don’t deserve their admiration. If they only knew the truth, that I failed and just wasn’t good enough. I do everything I’m supposed to: work out, network, volunteer and even went on a yoga retreat. But I hate myself more and more every day that goes by where I’m not working. I do everything I can to be avoid being alone, even if it means just walking for hours. Otherwise, I just spend my time crying and being angry at myself. I don’t want to burden my friends or family, so I exhaust myself trying to pretend I have everything together. All of my friends are married, have children or are engaged, so as a single person my job was my identity. Without it, I don’t feel like I have a purpose.

Littlebean, my heart breaks for you, because you are still so young and have so many opportunities ahead of you. I know that it is difficult to see, but this is truly just the beginning for you. Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful support system and hopefully he can keep reminding you how talented and special you are. I wish you the best and try to learn everything you can from this detour. It’s so hard to embrace change when you aren’t sure what the lesson is. Just know that one day it will be clear.