From the fairest place I can come from, it sounds like he’s struggling with grief and perhaps anger – maybe about you, maybe about the abortion, maybe about something he’s not talking with you about. He sounds manipulative in the extreme and very cruel. If he’s not self-aware or mature enough to deal with his own baggage and come to you in a fair, kind, constructive, and equitable way, he’s not for you. He’s not your man. He has a lot of growing up to do, and he may do it with this other woman or maybe not. But his treatment of you is awful, and even if there’s a reason for it underneath his cruel words, he needs to learn to be kinder and more in control of himself before he will ever be a good partner.

If he’s getting in touch with you even though you’re asking him not to, consider getting a restraining order or something or just not answering the phone if you don’t know who it is. You don’t deserve hateful words, and it sounds like he’s obsessing over whatever wrongs he thinks you’ve done to him. Block him on social media. Block him on e-mail. And don’t answer the phone if it’s an unfamiliar number. Or change your number, if possible.

Remember that this isn’t about you, it’s about him. We’ve all made mistakes in relationships, and we all have things to be forgiven for. But whens someone says they love you and then turns on you, he’s dealing with some sort of pain that’s not your fault, but that means he’s in a place of (hopefully) learning and growing. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment, and you’re not responsible for his pain. I’d encourage you to cut off all all ties to the extent that you can. I suspect that you’re responding to him because he’s baiting you. Stop responding, even when he says things that upset you or make you want to defend yourself.

He may never (probably will never) understand who you really are or what happened from your perspective. He doesn’t sound like he has a lot of empathy. It sounds like it’s time to drop that expectation, stop trying to explain or defend yourself, and just let him go from your life.