Dear purplepinguin:

From your description, he sounds like a decent guy and you sound like a decent person as well. Two decent young people, so it “sounds” to me. It seems reasonable for me that he would want to protect himself and not get into a long term relationship and it seems reasonable to me that he didn’t know exactly how HE felt throughout those three months himself, so he didn’t give you the most clear messages (he didn’t know himself what he wanted, how he wanted it as clearly as he knows now). Seems like he cares about you and is not able to commit to a relationship long distance. If this rings true to you, please do not hate him, like your friend suggested. There is enough hate in the world without hating a decent person. It may be possible (is it?) that your hurt has to do more with abandonment in your past, betrayals in your past, maybe in your family-of-origin? It may be an oppotunity to look into such old hurts that are still very much alive in you (and are somewhat projected into this relationship)? If any of this stimulates you to think more- please post again.. Best to you:
anita