Dear J:
My advice is to tell both the truth. As long as your communication with either one is respectful, not abusive- the truth is due and will be liberating. Plus it gives the relationship with each a chance of improving and becoming a WIN-WIN relationship. Isn’t it that we feel angry when we find ourselves at the LOSE end of a WIN-LOSE relationship or interaction? If you take my advice, you may get a positive or negative reaction if any at all- who knows? The thing is you are only responsible for your participation in every interaction, not for the other person’s. So, take care of yourself by being true to yourself and as long as you are not abusive to another- it is the healthy thing for you (and for the other) to do. What do you think?
anita