Dear Vidalevi,

The problem with many traditions is that they come from a place of fear, just like what is happening to you right now. Your family is not telling you – “Do this because it is good for you”, they are instead saying that “if you don’t do this, you will die alone/be lonely/miserable”. How can you be expected to start a relationship of love, when the decision is based on fear and anxiety ?

No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you refusing to make a decision under pressure or guilt. Certainly not one on marriage. If you don’t like the person they have set you up with, nothing wrong with that. Please don’t give in to the fear that you are too old/this is a last chance/you don’t have choices left. People are not like fruits on a tree, that if you don’t take them fresh, there won’t be any left !!! Thats not tradition, that is very much like a doomsday prophecy.

And of course you will make mistakes with decisions…it’s a part of life and growing up. If you don’t make your own mistakes, you won’t learn. Yes there is pain when you fall off a bicycle, but that doesn’t mean you fix trainers to your cycle all your life. Don’t take them very hard.

I know this is hard to practice, but whatever you choose to do, try to ensure that the choice comes from a genuine place of happiness, joy and love and not because of blackmail and resignation on your part.

Sending you love, light and strength

Wendy