Dear Nicole:
I don’t remember your previous post although i may have commented on it then. Reading this post it is my understanding that you are very aware of what is going on: his controlling behavior, his abuse, the necessity to not engage in a relationship with him, etc. I don’t think you need advice on what you already know.

Your longing for him at times, your attachment to him, suggests to me that you grew up with a parent that rejected you and that your present agony has to do with that original relationship, with the attachment- trauma of that relationship which you didn’t process yet and which needs healing. What do you think? If I am correct I have more to say, but I need to know your thoughts about my response here.

Take care:
anita