Dear xevv:
Please do continue to be a consistently loving mother to your two children.

Please, somehow, get good psychotherapy for yourself. There is a diagnosis that if accepted into the DSM would turn that huge book into a pamphlet because it includes in it so much, it is about CAUSE instead of the many variety of collections of symptoms. It is called “Complex post traumatic stress disorder.” You might want to google it, find several information sources about it?

If you do, please post again here and we will keep communicating>>>?
anita