Dear titanshiny:
You got it- 10 days and no insight.

You wrote he never acted like that- he was abusive in other ways though, only not this particular way.

But here is the catch of you getting it- you don’t fully get it because your FEELINGS are telling you still that it is your fault. All he had to say is “I need positive vibes, not negative” and it fits with what you already believe (you are the cause of his bad behavior). Our feelings are supposed to let us know what the hell is going on in our lives: are we being abused or not? Are we the cause of not? Should I be with him or not? You know intellectually the answers to those questions but your feelings, your emotions are telling you otherwise.

Healing is about getting to the origin of these feelings and figuring out what of your own feelings to NOT trust, what are pathological and what are healthy. When you stood up to him you were exhibiting healthy behavior based on healthy emotions. When you react with guilty feelings to his “I need positive vibes “etc. comment you are lead by pathological feelins… CONVINCING feelings but pathological.

Pathological because they are based on DISTORTED beliefs, that you are responsible for his behavior- no wonder you would feel guilty- and not on REALITY- that you are not responsible.

Pathological because those convincing feelings lead you to behavior that harms you- such as getting back to him if he wanted you to- and wouldn’t that feel great- a euphoric feeling, pathological, because it would lead you to the re-uniting with a harmful man, a man that will lead you away from healing and deeper into sickness.

What says you?
anita