I would add having read some of this…don’t become more independent to impress him…do it because you want to enjoy the time he is away rather than making yourself miserable. If you start thinking ‘he will like it better if I am as independent of this union as he is’ then you are simply confirming to yourself that it is extremely important that he likes you. It is not extremely important that he likes you, it is extremely that you like yourself (which is easier said than done sometimes if you find it difficult to see your positives).

I like Ruminant’s thoughts about thinking of how everything happens within your own body. You are not currently dependent on ‘him’ – the actually physical person – for your happiness, you are currently dependent on ‘thinking of him liking you’ for your happiness. Question why that is: do you struggle to like yourself? Do you wish for approval and acceptance? I would suggest that every time thoughts of him come into your mind, remind yourself that you are looking for approval and that you are feeling badly about yourself – bring it back in your mind to the actual cause of the unhappiness. This reduces anxiety and gives you something a little more concrete to work with. Recognise that you have the power to feel better about yourself and that doing so comes from self-compassion and believing in your own power and agency to soothe yourself.