Dear Lost Girl:
I see why you chose the name Lost Girl. You are not pushing for a romantic relationship but you are not pulling away from it either. It is that indecision I am very familiar with. It is- do you feel this way?- that I don’t know WHAT (or who) is right for me, so I don’t want to reject any opportunity that MIGHT be right. “Who knows?” you asked- and this is the point. I hope I can teach you something from my experience living in this mindset for so long (and do let me know if indeed this is your mindset)…

It did not work for me- or for my sister- and absolutely failed. Although nobody can predict the future and there are no guarantees, a lot or random factors- you have a FAR GREATER CHANCE, statistically, to live a good life if you actively choose, with awareness, adn so navigate your own life. Statistics is all you can go for. No guarantees. It is like you have 95% better chance to live a good life if you choose from awareness. That is a good statistic.

How do you do that? How do you choose from awareness if you are not aware of what you want…

First you accept that it is going to be a PROCESS that is going to take a long time and there is no way to suddenly become instantly …aware and knowing. Have faith, I hope, that this process is the only way to move ahead.

Slowly become aware through use of your logic (“Rational Mind”) and your emotions (“Emotional Mind”) of what is going on inside you and outside you. Logic alone does not work. Some of what your emotions are telling you is correct and some of what your emotions are telling you currently is not correct. Through the process you will learn over time what to believe and what not to believe; what is true and what is not true.

You wrote: “he says he can make me change my mind..” oh, oh, I say- that is not likely to be difficult for you because your mind is weak at this point, it is not set, so if he is good at changing a weak mind, then he will. He may trigger certain emotions in you and you may feel that the answer is with him. Too easy to give your power away when you have little power to begin with. In potential you have as much power as anyone else, but not in your current state of mind.

I would say: with your willingness to give him your power and his willingness to take it- better you do not meet him. If you can get a bit of awareness and meet him so to pay attention to what is going on and practice something on the way to awareness- than it can be a good idea.

Be careful: this is not the time in your life for relationship decisions. Better not. Keep relationships light, NOT COMMITAL and PRACTICE the skills you need to develop (mindfulness, assertiveness) first.

“Who knows?” You asked. Inside of you are the answers. It will take time, if you engage in the process, maybe with good therapy? to find those answers, little by little, patiently.

I agree with the commentator above. How do you know when an interaction between you and another person is right? If it is a WIN-WIN situation. Think about what you are going to get out of it and what he/ she intends to get out of it. Ask … ask him and ask yourself.

Let me know if you want more of my input.
anita