Dear Jim/Jamie:
It is a continuum thing. I was confused myself. I felt like a man at times and didn’t understand. Going to a restaruant with a girlfriend I felt like the man. I asked myself: am I a lesbian? But was not attracted to women, but then I was hardly attracted to men either. I was confused on this issue as I was on many others. My distress was mostly about my pathological relationship with my mother. That sick relationship, to be specific, having been abused and not loved affected every part of my psyche and life.

And then there is a person like you having had a good relationship with your parents. If I was considering only my life experience I would conclude gender confusion is a result of parental abuse. But I am glad I consider the wider perspective, other people’s experience. Gender shifts can happen for a variety of reasons… hmmm.

I read your heartache about not having told your mom. You were uncomfortable and changed the subject. That is very understandable that a teenage boy will not feel comfortable to talk about such things with his mother. She thought you may be gay… She could have asked a male friend, a counselor of some sorts to talk to you about it. Or she could have brought it up again in a different way, having noticed that you felt uncomfortable. Maybe a second time, you would have talked, just a little, gave her a sign you were willing…

So, the failure of that one attempt is not all on the young you…

I hope this is some consolation… this is why i brought it up here…???

It is a continuum. I bet there are a lot more people in between the extremes… Makes me think of “We are all in it together…”
anita